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How Do You Prove Snoop Was At the House?

9 Jul

I’ve been asking people as apart of our search for a new housemate a pretty creative and open-ended question. It was their chance to prove themselves different than everyone else who wants the room. If Snoop Dogg’s car broke down in front of the house, how do you prove he was there? No pictures, no video and since you can’t rap nowhere as well as him, please don’t write a rap. That’s just lame.

I asked potential housemates this and none of them gave me anything good. Really? Even though I said you can’t ask for an autograph, they all said they would ask for an autograph. I made the current guys write their answers as well and got completely different results. Cutting off his hand for fingerprints was definitely the most destructive answer, as well as capturing him. Having him paint on our wall and getting his cement prints in our front walk, (face, hands and feet) were up there for on the spot answers. However the winner was from a potential housemate, with “the ony proof you’d have is the fact that I may be mumbling ,”Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks” for days and days.” That people, is a great answer.

For fucks sake. I know you were put on the spot, but seriously its Snoop. I’ll fucking go forge an autograph, what the hell does that prove with all the technology we have at our fingertips? I understand you just met me and the question is alittle crazy, but gimme some damn creativity maybe?

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We Have Power, but No Internet

5 Jul

We haven’t had Internet all week at the agency due to the super storm from last week. We got the email this morning that everything was up and running here. However. Despite not writing my post this morning ahead of time, the Internet is still down here. Oh well. Mobile posting will just have to do for today I guess

Overly Attached Girlfriend Strikes Again

19 Jun

As you may remember last week, this lady went viral on Justin Bieber’s online contest to make a song about remixing his song “Boyfriend,” in the context of “Girlfriend.” She went about it as a joke, claiming she was gonna steal her boyfriend’s key and had planned out their children. However what make it even funnier is that once you watch ‘real contestants’ they aren’t far off from her, except they seem pretty damn serious. I gotta good kick out of the first video, and the memes that came with it.

It’s pretty obvious she knows about the meme and the extreme popularity of her first video, so with that said she made a second video. This time parodying Miss Carly Rae, what makes it super silly is its themed along the same basic creepiness as ‘The Overly Attached Girlfriend.” Its great that she is ‘self aware’ of her online fame and hopefully she keeps on cranking out some beats.

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When Touching Isn’t Enough

6 Jun

Yesterday a company named Tactus unveiled it’s ground breaking new technology. OK seriously though, its frickin badass. It is more or less, the benefits of a physical keyboard but on a touch screen. Bare with me here. They show in the demo, the new technological screen on that of an iPhone. The screen elevates Continue reading 

My Store Organization Suggestion

22 May

Notice ‘Soft Drinks’ and ‘Beverages,’ are conveniently with ‘Diapers’ and other Baby stuff. Is there some kinda study where they found people who have babies are gonna get ‘Cocktail Mixes?’ Seems a little odd to me. Especially that while you pick out your soda or energy drink there is a bunch of diapers staring back at you. Shouldn’t chips or snacks be with drinks and mixers? Just food, or well, soda for thought

The Moral Dilemma

18 May

I recently came up with an moral dilemma, (hints the title) that’s stumping me. The whole idea of faking one’s own death has been around for ever. But with today’s technology and constant interactions and connections, just leaving town or the country won’t cut it. To avoid debt, a crazy exes, crimes or whatever, leaving town in a hail of gunfire, throwing your car off a cliff or burning your house down, can’t really work as effectively anymore. You’ve got to imagine that with twitter and facebook, some dumbass will write about how he just faked his own death or something.

Anyways, my idea is that people will and have always faked their own death, but do you tell your mother about your plans, or that you are not actually dead? Mom’s have this sixth sense where they just know when something is wrong or not right, so would they know that you were still alive and well? Anyways, with all this talk of Tupac Shakur possibility of being alive (he’s not, sorry) don’t you think his mom would have blown his cover? That or well, if he was arrested ‘X’ times before his death, don’t you think he would have been arrested a few more times in the last 15+ years. Thinking about it now, my mom would be devastated if I died, let alone if I was still wondering around under a new alias. If she found out I was still alive after 10 years of me being dead, oh lordy! I think I would have to say something, she wouldn’t blow my cover. However… Richard would.

Why Do Cats Like Keyboards?

13 May

Upon my surprise trip home, my little brother and his girlfriend had planned a trip back to Virginia, as well, to get his car. On their little visit, which stole some of my thunder, they decided to get a kitty kat. I’ve had kittens before, but geez this thing is tiny. I mean, what do you expect from any animal at 6 weeks old? Well its so tiny that no one can even hear it ‘meow.’

Might I digress, this kitten, Darnell, loves to sit on my laptop keyboard. Not the XBox 360, stove, iPad or the heating pad. Specifically the keyboard. Darnell and my previous cat, Dewey (American for ‘Devil’) just sit there for hours if you let them. Darnell is about as big as your fist and he just sits. God damn, son! He’s not looking at the screen and at 6 weeks he sure as hell can’t read yet, so what’s up? Maybe when he’s older and learns to talk he can tell us.

Darnell doing his thang

My Issue With Airports

12 May

First off, I prefer driving. Not only do I get my car, but I can stop when I want. I can sing along to my music and I have as much damn leg room as I want. Anyways, when I have to fly I have some ‘musts.’ Not in a bratty way, just some things I try to aim for to make my experience low stress and anxiety. First, I always try to fly Southwest. I get to choose my own seat and I can change my flight when I get sick of being in Virginia. Next, I try not to use connecting flights. The most anxiety I will ever have in my entire schedule is waiting in the terminal. I’m CONVINCED I will miss my flight, so connecting is just doubling that.

Moving on: security. Its really not that bad. Being a blonde-hair, green eyed, white male, I’m often pulled aside. My body gets rubbed down, for free! Most recently my shoes were swabbed for explosive materials. I was pulled aside for my shoes… Well just encase I was up to something fishy, I couldn’t have my wallet, phone or laptop. Not only do my raggedy ass shoes get cleaned, but I couldn’t even tweet about it. Ha.

Have you ever noticed the freaks at the airport? Well if you haven’t, try looking in the mirror. I understand people want to be comfortable but try a reality check. Sorry to be an ass about it, but all the extra crap you put on is just gonna slow down security when you have to take the birds nest off your head.

Movies…..

11 May

Done with finals, and I’m pissed off. Not at school, not at Hitler, but at the American Film Industry. I’m starting off on fire, fuck ‘em. Besides mutilating foreign films with shitting American remakes. I’m not gonna get started on that. I’m also pissed that seeing a movie in theaters costs me around $10. Thats not it though.

What my major issue is how can they continue to put out shit plots and stories. Besides Avatar having a lame, unoriginal plot, recently The Avengers is the next dumb stories. Besides all the crappy and annoying ‘one-liners’ and cliche plot devices, the ending was very stale. Besides going on for about 30 minutes, it is the EXACT same ending to Transformers 3 (2011). The outer space, the super-humanoids, the alien invaders – its all there. Chicago or New York, some portal generator brings aliens to our planet. Just before the entire enemy planet is brought to Earth, the portal is closed. Everyone gets laid, even Optimus Prime.

You’re seriously gonna pull some fuck shit ending less than a year later?!?!? Fuck you Avengers. Is it that fucking hard to make something new? Adam Sandler can somehow manage to continually find a completely original plot AND ending. Somehow we are supposed to believe both the Avengers and Transformers, with a huge budget can’t hire a writer who has a spark of creativity? Thats bullshit, I’m gonna learn a new language so I don’t have to read subtitles.

I’m back bababbaby

Crooked Arrows Trailer

4 May

Ok, first off I just saw The Avengers, not bad. However during the previews one of the most racist trailers/pieces of media in contemporary society was apparently allowed to be made. Crooked Arrows is about some Native Americans who live on a reservation and one of ‘their own’ who is well off wants to come back. Not only to they shun him, but sure enough, he has to teach them to play lacrosse (originally played by some Native Americans). They wear feathers in their helmets, talk in the stereotypical monotonic speech and of course are the super underdogs.

Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is total bullshit. Steve Rush is directing the film, whos career ended with he started directing Bring it On and American Pie sequels. Seriously, I’m not gonna compare this to another minority group, but its really hard to resist. Not only are Native American’s torn apart in cartoons and movies, but our schooling as Americans completely ignores the fact that we massacred them in the expansion out west.

Now not only are you highlighting ‘the’ most stereotypical, racist features in a major movie production. But its all created to make even more money off the suffering of an entire race. Seriously, watch this trailer. Notice the speech/accent and then check out the super fucked font they chose.

Crooked Arrows Trailer

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