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My College Guitar (Update)

14 Mar

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Hhhheeeeellllllllllloooooo. Its now 4am, I know, It seems like I’m already awake at this hour. It dawned on me while laying in bed hopelessly trying to sleep for the past 3 hours that I should provide some updates. My post from first semester explained how I wanted to make a guitar that embodied my college experience. Rather than calling it a yearbook, or even a fouryearbook, I have been collecting signatures, and sometimes messages. I’m just gonna dump some photos now since there isn’t much explaining to do. Enjoy.

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About Me 2.0

6 Dec

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There have been a lot of search queries in the past few days for more info about ‘The Mr. Hank Smith,’ infamously known as the ‘digital assassin.’ Well, I’d figure lets start here! Googling my name is difficult, I know. I wanna be the only Hank Smith on the planet, but what can you do? I’m 22, uhh from DC, I’m a student at the University of Colorado studying advertising. I love social media and it loves me. I  enjoy sleeping-in everyday as late as I possibly can. I play guitar most of the time that I’m awake. My interests include girls, music, craft beer breweries, Netflix, and blonde girls. Now that we’ve broken the ice, what else do you wanna know? How bout just some pictures?

what I look like with sunglasses on

what I look like with sunglasses on

with a wolf hood thing

with a wolf hood thing

as a cat (with bell)

as a cat (with bell)

thinking about you

thinking about you

Still good? OK, lets move on so we can be friends. Like, ever wonder what cool things go on at my house? Thats cool, I’m sure a lot of people do.

my phone case

my phone case

our thermostat

our thermostat

the creepy writing above our kitchen

the creepy writing above our kitchen

this squirrel that hangs outside our house

this squirrel that hangs outside our house

Well now, happy? That should satisfy the sick fantasy for some of you looking up ‘Mr Hank Smith face.’ Don’t worry, I got butterflies at the thought of people thinking about me. Its cute, yo. Anyways, besides the above listed – I drive a manual car that none of my friends can manage to figure out, I love Photoshop CS5 (not CS6), I have an Amazon wishlist, I like Facebook-stalking my friends, I go to Starbucks every other day but I’m trying to quit (not). Oh! I know how to cook stuff, like food. But I like going out to eat way better because I don’t like my kitchen very much. If you have any more questions just let me know personally and maybe we can talk about it over dinner.

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Why I Didn’t Vote, Sorry

26 Nov

Ever since Romney and Obama started campaigning I’ve been cluster fucked by calls, mail, and door-to-door shit. No matter what I do they love to harass me. Last time I voted I lived in Virginia (a swing state), and now that I’m in Colorado (another swing state) I get bombarded by shit I really don’t want to get envolved with.

“Wait Hank, how can you not have an opinion?” Well, because I actively choose not too. Yeah, fuck that shit. If this is the ‘land of the free’ then I have the right to not care, be left alone, and watch Netflix all day uninterrupted if I want to. Yah, each candidate can smear eachother to the point where they divide the nation and make eachother both look like scum, but I don’t want anything to do with it. Everyone has an opinion and if you don’t agree, well, someones wrong – just leave me out of it. I grew up minutes outside of DC, where everyone is involved in politics – except my family. Advertising rules the media, and well, even Barack and Mitt owe their fame to what is publicized, who lead their advertising campaign and who came up with their creative. Honestly, I believe that the two party system ruined democracy and we are choosing between a douche and turd, but thats a separate issue.

What pisses me off is that people cannot seem to grasp the concept ‘leave me alone.’ Why do you want someone who isn’t educated in politics and up-to-date on the issues blindly checking off which candidate they want to win. I mean all the fucking judges, representatives, and so on, thrown onto the ballet. Come on people. If I don’t have the slightest clue whats going on, why harass me about it – even when the election is over. Its over and done. Sorry but Obama is an US citizen and Mitt loves his money — cool. So shut up? Please? No seriously, I’ll go home, please shut up.

Now, you may be asking yourself – “Hank, why are you talking about this now?” Its because of Thanksgiving. All I see on my various social media streams is how people aren’t getting along with their relatives because of political views. And get this, its the only time I get stuck in a situation I can’t get out of, even with people I would normally agree with. I just don’t care. I didn’t vote. Oh shit… wait… did I just say that? Yah mother fucker, I didn’t vote. I don’t know enough about whats going on to be able to make a statement that could possibly effect this country. And if you disagree – cool, thats your opinion. But for me to choose people I know nothing about to decide how my fellow man will live and to not know 100% about what they are talking about is a decision I cannot live with if I’m wrong.

“Why not get educated about politics?” The answer is simple, I don’t want to. I moved out of DC the second I could to be forever disconnected from everything that happens there, and what further than politics to join up with but entertainment. I have tattoos, I play guitar, and I can hold a conversation with girls. I don’t want to waste my life away arguing about something I cannot personally make an impact on. Thats just the type of person I am. Nothing against those in politics, but thats just not how I choose to live. However, if there is one thing I hate more than Missionaries (another story for another day), its those who cannot grasp what I have just written because of their own personal agenda. Imagine if you were constantly annoyed, harassed, and preached at about how ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” is the best movie of all time, and how there will never be a better band of the 2000′s than the Foo Fighters. Yah, it would suck because you have your own opinion. Well, just like politics, the movie and music industry needs to make money too, and let their voices be heard. Hhhhmmm strange, that just like you wouldn’t want me harassing you 24/7 about my music/TV/movie views, that somehow I get to hear about how Obama likes gay people and Romney doesn’t pay taxes.

I could go on for days about politics, but for now – lets just leave it with that. Love you all. —- PS, I don’t feel like spell checking this or checking for grammar. ‘MERICA!!!

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My College Signature Model Guitar

28 Sep

Here’s my idea thats been in the works for a number of months. Its gonna be a little confusing for those of you that don’t know me that well, but fuck it. I have 6 guitars. I play for 2 hours everyday and I make it a goal to learn a new song everyday as well. Lately, I’ve found that classic rock, alternative, rock and country don’t take long enough to learn, so I’ve moved onto metal. Now this isn’t exactly my style, so I’ve started off learning the ‘Big 4′ songs (Metallica, Megadeath, Slayer and Anthrax). On that topic, I love busting into my housemate’s rooms playing ‘Enter Sandman,’ ‘Master of Puppets,’ ‘Symphony of Destruction‘ and of course ‘Madhouse,’ just to goof around a bit. This however, bugs the hell out of one of my housemates – yeah buddy, I know. Anyways, it got me thinking, if guitar is such a passion of mine, why not let my friends be apart of it in a non-traditional way? Unlike a high school year book, which looking back just made me realize how fake everyone sounds, this idea would be a lot of fun. H.A.G.S (Have A Great Summer) was the epitome of crap I see in those things – how about shut the fuck up?

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As I took apart my custom, ‘Frankenstrat‘ guitar I realized that if I’m/my friends are ever famous, I want everyone to know it. My plan is to build a guitar this Fall and have all my close friends sign/write a message on it. Following the clear-coat paint, I would forever have a piece of college with me. Unlike, the 90% of heartless and empty yearbook messages I got in highschool this is something I would want people to see in 10+ years and be like “oh shit, you knew Wells? THE Wells?!?” That or people seeing my friends names on my guitar while I’m stage in front of thousands. Anyways, close friends – just a heads up, get your permanent markers ready.

-> Mother Fuckin’ Picture Time of my friends and I

Photoshop or Go Home

Venice, Never Forget

last night – Red HOT Chili Peppers

PS: My friends are fucking awesome, and I chose these pics accordingly – don’t feel left out, I’ll post more pictures later

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Things I Say and Do on the Internet

29 Apr

not much to say here, besides me expresses my desires to be a cat. I was drunk for 99% of these posts

Sippin’ on a 40

18 Apr

Magnum, Mickey’s, Colt .45, Steel Reserve and Olde English, the cheapest way to get drunk on the market. My drink of choice is Olde English, with thanks to Eazy, Cube or the movie “Boyz n the Hood.”

thug luv for that malt

Once you accept the fact that it’s not the best taste in the world and understand that some of the greatest rap songs of all time were most likely fueled by a 40 oz., it’s really not that bad. For only $2.50 for something not even a 6-pack can accomplish, malt liquor just get’s you to ‘that level.’ Seriously. Go to the crappy beer section of your local liquor store and grab one.

Once you master the basic ≠ 6% APV 40 oz. then you have to try the drink of champions. The Olde English ‘High Gravity’ 800 is the bomb, son. At 8% Apv, the ‘High Gravity’ will… well… fuck you up. As lame and un-thug as this sounds, one bottle will knock your ass out at this Colorado altitude. It’s the best drunk you’ll have for less than $3, and you can still function in society, hints this post.

 

We Can Work It Out

16 Apr

I love music, its what keeps me together at the good and bad times. Bands like The Beatles, Foo Fighters and Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, to name a view have songs that continue to relate so closely to my life. Although I’ve been criticized by following ‘old’ music too closely, I know it all well and in-depth. If you read my previous post on Everclear’s ‘Santa Monica,’ you know how that song spoke to me.

Not to reminisce too hard, but in the year 2000, my second CD ever was The Beatles ’1,’ which to this day is the greatest compilation of music ever put on a recorded disc. That CD and I traveled to California with my father on a business trip, and I listened to it throughout maybe 50 times on that trip alone. The song ‘We Can Work It Out’ to this day is the most influential and inspiring song I have ever heard. I learned to see things in other people’s shoes, that I don’t hold the only opinion in this world and that we must all work together to progress. Relationships, friendships and anything else, Paul McCartney’s solo act, has always made me see life in a different light.

Paul goes from a narrow minded side of the argument to seeing that it’s not only his view that effects his life. He opens his song up to what we can assume is his girlfriend or lover’s side of the story. Anytime I feel like a fight is coming or my significant other and I are at a misunderstanding, I remember what this song taught me.

Smith-Stache

13 Apr

One thing that got me rolling on the lip warmer train is my family. Aaawww, right? Naw they are a bunch of punks. Well, just my brother and cousin. My dad is normal… sometimes. Without planning anything we all have mustaches right now, my dad even took it a step further and kept it all (traitor). I know you all are dying to see us all together but sadly (ha!) we live in different areas of the country, so I photoshopped something together from facebook pictures.

Me, my brother, my rascal of a cousin and my father

As a bonus for being such a good reader, I’ll let you in on a secret. My cousin, Peter, can fall asleep in the weirdest situations. However with the stache, its creepy. Don’t believe me? Well, its true. Check this out!

notice the stache, then the left hand

The Holy Grail

12 Apr

yeah thats Chick Fila BBQ sauce. 360 packets

Top 10 Greatest ‘Staches Ever

11 Apr

Rocking my stache still, hard as ever. I  told you earlier that Ned Flander’s has easily the greatest stache ever. However, accepting that universal truth, here are the top great staches that have inspired me:

10. Tom Selleck

9. Peter Sellers

8. Ron Jeremy

7. Brad Pitt

6. Burt Reynolds

5. Tupac Shakur

4. Ron Burgundy

3. Randy Marsh

2. Dave Grohl

1. Sean Connery

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