Seriously, like Volkswagen gives a fuck. But anyways, like many of you know, I’ve been looking for a new car since July. My current car is amazing and I could not be more happy. This is a really long post, maybe my longest, but well worth the read. However, with my current lease running up in January, the buy-out payments increased to a level that I cannot afford. The blue 2010 Honda Accord Coupe is gone on December 18th. So many great memories and with close to 41,000 miles, its probably a good idea to swap it out. So I’ve been looking into the 2013 VW Passat, which for me is a huge change. I haven’t had a 4-door car and since junior year of high school, and I’ve only been driving manual.
So here’s the deal. I know I have my lease at the latest until January 1st, so I told each dealer that I was not going to buy that day, however if they were able to get the exact vehicle around that time, they would get the sale. I wanted a Passat SE, red with tan interior. Wait… read that again. One more time. Actually, read it and write it down at the same time. Ok now, you just did what every Volkswagen salesperson at over five dealerships couldn’t. Fuck, how hard is it to listen to your customer? Especially when your job revolves around making sales.
This particular topic has been pissing me off since the end of September, but I’ve let it simmer in the back of my mind until yesterday when I signed the papers for my new car. Anyways, here are my horror stories during my ‘new car buying experience’ and what consumers+dealers can learn from it. I went to over five VW dealers in the course of a month, looking for the best deal for leasing a 2013 Passat. Again, let me repeat myself, a Passat, not a Jetta. Not a Jetta. No, no, I’m too tall to be comfortable in a Jetta. No please, just the Passat. Sorry, PTSD just kicked it alittle. From Boulder, through Denver, and even as far as Lakewood, my experiences differed dramatically. Right now if I had to choose one dealer for my business, it would have been Boulder – only because they didn’t harass me every other day for two months and force me to stay at their dealership for 5 hours. Yah, true story people.
Lets start with Emich VW in Denver. They offered to help me find my red with tan SE Passat, and even gave me the lowest lease offer available ($249 a month). BAM! I knew the magic number. I told them I would contact them once I could afford the down payment and thanks for their time. Easy right? Nope – they called me every-other-day-for-two-months, including today asking if I had the money yet. Like a fucking loan shark from the gangster movies. Fuck that shit, so I started ignoring their calls after I told them not to call back. So guess what? They started hiding their number and making it a ‘Blocked’ number. Through the sea of endless repetitive voice messages, they may has well have taken my current car hostage. Or at least broken my legs on the walk home from class, Jesus.
The other nightmare story involves Larry H. Miller VW of Lakewood. Seriously, they want my review. Here it is, I would rather walk everywhere for the rest of my life, than ever buy a car from you all. Car dealers and salespeople, take note cause this story is a doozy. I called in one day wondering if they had my red with tan SE Passat on the lot since their web-inventory was down. The manager on the phone told me they didn’t have many 2013′s but it wouldn’t be hard to track them down and I should come in. You know, well I wasn’t doing anything better that day, fine. I had an appointment with some 30 year old, extremely arrogant salesman, X (who will remain anonymous), who comes back later in the story. I get to Lakewood at around 2pm, and as soon as I arrive I’m hounded by every salesperson there. Yet, I had an appointment. The guy, X, clearly didn’t care if I was their or not even though he had set a time to meet. Strike one, make your customer seem like his time doesn’t matter.
Next, I get stuck with a salesperson who refused to give me any lease numbers until I had my car inspected for a trade-in. Cool, whatever. The next 4 hours was a nightmare. I had to drive every god damned Passat on the lot before anyone would talk to me about lease prices or GIVE ME MY CAR KEYS BACK. Yes, they had some lame-ass excuse to why they couldn’t, but I was about to call the cops. After driving all the Passats, none of them red or even with tan interiors, they moved on to testdrive-rape me with Jettas. Even though I said no Jettas, they had some little system lined up where they were just gangbanging me from one car to another, like some assembly line for pissing me off. Through each test-drive, the salesperson with me proceeded to spill his life’s story to me, including his drug induced former lifestyle, sexual escapades and every nasty/disgusting joke in the book. I was very uncomfortable, and that doesn’t happen often. Finally around 6pm they were able to sit down and talk. Literally about six salespeople were sitting down with me. No matter what I said, “I don’t have the money for a down-payment,” – “No, I do not want any of the cars currently on the lot” – “Can I have my car keys back?” They didn’t seem to get it through their thick skulls. Strike two, not listening to the needs and wants of the consumer.
They then tell me all the lease numbers both VW in Boulder and Denver had given me were complete bullshit, infact a Passat was going to be around $370 a month. Also that the national VW incentive, listed on every VW website was also a lie. First off fucktards, my current car is on a national incentive and second I know how to use the internet. I kept that to myself though and let them torture me. Then sleazeball, X, returns to the scene with the most stuck up swagger and mis-measured suit on the planet. The group of them then tell me that by signing this particular, handwritten contract, that I wasn’t allowed to read, they would get me my car for $249 a month. Fuck, what is this? Nazi Germany? I read that contract, not only was it for a Jetta, but a 2012. WHAT!!! ARE YOU PEOPLE RETARDED?!?! At this point I’m calling my parents to try to look for my car keys on my own to escape. Finally, I lay down the law, I need my keys back, I need to be back in Boulder by 7:30pm, as its about 6:45pm. Next, they break down the costs of a Passat, and slowly through some “magical” terms are able to find me my exact car at the $249 a month. Hmm, even though they said it didn’t exist. They again try to force me to blindly sign a contract. This time for a white with black interior, top of the line 2012 Passat. What the flying fuck shit blasting jerkoff, is your fucking problem? Honestly. I want to know? If any of you are reading this, please respond. I want to know. This deceptive, unethical model for car-sales is exactly what people have been trying to break since the first car dealer emerged. Strike three-through-ten million, lying to your customer and trying to get them to commit to something they don’t want. Then trying to belittle them by telling them everything they have heard is wrong, and then slowly moving back to what I actually know is true.
Finally, at 7pm, after five hours of being VW raped by every sweaty old man in the dealership, I threatened to call the police if I did not get my car keys back. Next shocked me beyond belief. The fucker, X, had the keys in his pocket the whole time. Fuck you asshole, burn in a freak car delivery accident, caused by another freak car explosion. On my drive home, the fuckers at Larry H. Miller VW of Lakewood had the nerve to continue to call my cellphone trying to sell me the top of the line 2012 white with black, Passat. They called about a total of 10 times, the first of which I answered, but they continued to change phone lines so I didn’t know who was calling. Honestly that was it. Volkswagen, you have one of the stronger brands in the car industry, however these cum stains are what inspires this post. I was actually excited to own a VW, I knew every-single-detail in every model. I am the ultimate informed consumer – I did my homework. And unlike most consumers, I know how to do extensive research, even calling the VW support line. Yah assholes in Lakewood, I know all your games, I know each tactic you tried to force a car on me with. Thanks for degrading me for 5 hours.
My tip to all salespeople and potential customers is to understand eachother’s needs and drivers. Salespeople need to know this is not the 1950′s, we as consumers have the technology and information to be equally educated on the vehicles as you – BTW, I did have to explain most of the Passat features to my sorry-ass salesperson in Lakewood. Consumers, need to go in with an agenda for options, price barriers and a FALSE TIME RESTRAINT. Let them know you have ___ amount of time to come up with a dream deal or they will jerk around all day. On this note I would like to thank Honda, YES, Honda for their amazing customer relations and making my car buying experience amazing. Now I can’t even remember why I wanted a Volkswagen in the first place – I never had to even go to the dealership for my new car. My parents checked out the car and I did all the paperwork, and filled out all the information in the comfort of my own home through email. Wait… A dealer that actually understands how us common folk can use the internet? Strange. Honestly Honda, thank you, thank you, thank you.